Discover Authenticity
Space Purpose
Simply put; the purpose of Men's Circle is to discover your true authentic self. To create real connections in your life. To help one another overcome obstacles, navigate feelings and emotions, ask for coaching, provide and receive honest feedback. It's a space to learn how to feel to our fullest capacity, to embark bravely on bold experiments that push our comfort zones, to create meaningful connections in our lives, and to explore a deep dive into life's most troubling questions.
Who is my authentic self?How can I create connections with others in my life that go beyond the ordinary?How can I solve problems and live with suffering while still thriving and transforming?How can I heal past trauma and evoke real transformation?How do I responsibly and safely express the big and loud feelings?How do I feel the ones I have guilt or shame about?These are all questions I ask myself. What questions do you have?Make this your call to adventure. Real adventure.
This space is dedicated to push the edges of our box, or ego, and to see the possibilities that lie outside of it. We live in a world that is focused on the mind. A world that has become dependent on information, on knowing with certainty. Men are largely focused on technology more than women. We have been trained to use our intellect and ignore feelings when confronted with problems and conflict. As a result, we have drifted away from authenticity and skillful communication from our hearts. This space is dedicated to experimenting with tools and concepts that push the limits of our comfort zones and into territories that ignite changes. You can make this your call to adventure. Real adventure. Real danger. Real transformation.
You may be wondering, why is this a 'Men’s Circle'?
In modern culture men are taught to suppress and modify their feelings in ways that are specific to being a 'man' in the modern world. We are taught that feeling is not OK and that men must be tough and fearless. From my own experience as a man, and after talking to other men, I estimate that most of us feel disconnected from something we can't quite put our finger on. What is it that we are disconnected from? What are we missing out on or losing as men in such a technologically and mentally focused world? What I and so many other men are longing for is authenticity and genuine connection. Our typical gatherings together consist of surface level and ordinary connections, usually in the participation of numbing substances and activities i.e. beer, pot, video games, TV. I don’t think these are good or bad, it only depends on their consequences and how we feel about them. I want to create more opportunities for men to take part in holding spaces that are extraordinary, that push our comfort zones, that evoke transformation, that help us heal trauma and past wounds, that create genuine friendship and relation.
A safe and confidential space
The space is held with integrity, respect, and love. This is a totally confidential space, meaning nothing shared in the circle is to be shared or discussed outside unless consent is giving. Every meeting will begin with an agreement to confidentiality. Content such as tools and other context goodies can be shared with the exclusion of any personal information or experiences.
What will we do?
We will learn and use tools, skills and experiments that serve the purpose (see above) of the space. We will embark on experiments and practices that may be very fun and active and may also be uncomfortable. We will try things and decide if they work, implementing them into our lives. We will learn how to communicate and connect more effectively with one another. We will learn what feelings are and how to distinguish them from emotions and feel them in their purest form.
The list goes on and on.
Rules of Men's Circle
Don't hurt yourself
Don't hurt others
- Please refrain from mind altering substances before and during (alcohol/weed)
- We will meet once a week, regular attendance is strongly encouraged as we will go over material that will transform our language and allow us to go into experiments quicker.
- The session will last for no more than 1.5 hours or 90 minutes
- There will be a 5 minute window before and after the start time, those who show up late will not be allowed in.
- Bring a notebook and pen.
- Please only drink water and do not eat during the meetings
Below is the schedule for Men's CircleThe agendas are subject to change.
TBD mid-November
What is Men's Circle?
How to be Centered
Experiments
Sharing & Feedback
Four Feelings
Numbness Bar
Practice
What is the Box?
Sharing & Feedback
Men's Circle Is Not
- A space to hide feelings behind a wall of "Macho-ness"
- A space to "Bro-Out"
- A space to dominate
- A space to be under the influence or drink alcohol
- A space to compete with other men (we will watch for this)
- A space to impose your political beliefs
Sign up to be in Men's Circle
Emails will be used to confirm meeting times and give resources upon request
Quinn Vidas
I was born and raised in Minnesota. During my childhood I was fortunate enough to travel the world with my family. I feel that those experiences sparked a passion for exploration and adventure. I am the youngest of 5. During my first year out of high school, and halfway through my first year of college, I experienced something which put me in a deep liquid state for a couple years. I quickly left the institution, and during this time I had noticed the vast disconnects in our culture, and the impact it had on my being. In seeking new ways to connect people and share experiences with the planet, I moved to Northern Minnesota and enrolled in a Community College which offered a degree in Outdoor Leadership. Since then I have spent years working seasonally in the outdoor education industry, learning about primitive skills and traveling. In the last 3 years I have discovered distinctions, tools and experiments which have evoked great transformations in me and have kept the torch of curiosity burning hot. I am so excited to continue learning and sharing what I find with those around me.
Paradigm Shift
In 2018, I attended my first Expand The Box. A core training for Possibility Management, a paradigm shift through exploring new thought maps, feelings work, group processes, and becoming a cultural edge worker.
Since then my interest and exploration of Possibility Management has opened many doors. I attended two Possibility Labs (intensive right of passage and emotion healing processes) and another Expand the Box. I participated in weekly Possibility Management Processes on Zoom and a study group with Clinton Callahan and his book Radiant Joy, Brilliant Love for many months.
For a little over one year, I held space for a weekly online Men's Circle. It was life changing to say the least. The authenticity and brotherhood forged in that particular group of guys was unbelievable. The friendships and connections made are thriving to this day. I'm very excited to hold space for men like this but in person!
The realization that we can all become edgeworkers has called me to hold space for men in an effort to escape the Patriarchy and build new gameworlds. I am excited to grow and learn with you!
Resources for Men
Great books, podcasts, and websites!
Books ~
- Courting the Wild Twin by Dr. Martin Shaw
- Scatterlings by Dr. Martin Shaw
- Secrets of the Talking Jaguar by Martin Prechtal (and many more)
- Fate and Destiny: The Two Agreements of the Soul by Michael Meade (and many more)
- Awakening the Soul: A Deep Response to a Troubled World by Michael Meade
- Directing the Power of Conscious Feeling: Living your Own Truth by Clinton Callahan
- Building Love that Lasts by Clinton Callahan
- Sacred Economics by Charles Eisenstein (and many more)
Podcasts ~- https://www.themythicmasculine.com/
- https://www.lastborninthewilderness.com/episodes/2018/5/14/90-initiation-rites-defining-the-sacred-role-of-men-w-ian-mackenzie
- https://charleseisenstein.org/podcasts/
- https://www.mosaicvoices.org/podcast
Websites ~Articles
By Quinn Vidas
'Preparing to leave the Patriarchy'
I began this exploration of what preparation to leave the patriarchy looks like by recording myself talk about what it's like to be in the pain of my own patriarchal box. I sat by the ocean in front of the setting sun and spoke into the recorder about what immensely painful realizations are taking place in my life. The patriarchy is not just some external 'force' to which I want to take a victim position about anymore. It is the unconscious behaviors, habits, beliefs, reactivities, and patterns that I have, up until very recently, been identifying as WHO I AM. For my entire adult life, those patriarchal box mechanisms have blocked me from sharing the genius and gifts of my Being with the world. In my preparation to leave the patriarchy, I first need to be in the pain of these realizations.
These are just some of the realizations of how the patriarchy lives within me:
I take revenge against people when they do not meet the expectations that I have of them.
I kill intimacy with my good boy / clown box, making stupid comments and playing foolish at just the moment before intimacy begins to lift out of ordinary.
I numb myself with drugs because I misinterpret the deep longing for something more to not actually be creating authentic connections with myself and others.
I sit infront of the TV, watching Netflix and playing video games for days on end, completely numbing myself to my fear of time slipping away.
I become defensive when my partner gives me feedback, and lash out at her, taking revenge for not receiving 'the right kind of love'
I make someone feel small because I think I'm better than them.
I let my gremlin run my life and not give it a feeding schedule.
I don't take responsibility for what I create and I ignore the fact that I'm always creating something, whether consciously or unconsciously.
I believe that this is all someone elses fault, and that there is nothing I can do about it until society just collapses and we just go into total chaos.
I call myself stupid, lazy, perverted, worthless, and not good enough.
I don't put my true self out into the world, because I dont want to experience that fear of being seen.
I feel the need to create security in my life through thinking I need to follow linear life plans. And when I don't, i punish myself with feeling anxious about it.
I judge myself for feeding my gremlin.
I feel shame and guilt for masturbating and watching porn.
I get secretly competitive with other men.
I don't take radical responsibility for all the pain and hurt in the world, because I think it's all too much and there is no hope anyways.
I give my center away to women.
I put off doing work or chores and instead browse the internet for hours.
My own preparation for leaving the patriarchy is being in the pain of these things and bringing consciousness to my different parts. Who is doing the doing? When am I Being? What is my bullshit? Admitting what is not working, and realizing that something else is possible. This preparation to leave the patriarchy is making space to feel sadness, fear, anger, and joy. To un-mesh mixed feelings and heal emotional wounds.
As I'm saying all this into my recorder, I'm scratching myself through the leg opening of my shorts. Seconds later my genitals burn with excruciating pain. I realized that I had neglected to wash my hands thoroughly after chopping one of the spiciest peppers I've had in Costa Rica. Now the oils from the peppers were spread all over my genitals. So as a consequence, I ran all the way back to my bungalow with burning genitals, took two showers, and missed the sunset... all while talking into the recorder about how to leave the patriarchy.. Talk about irony
